ITS ALL GORDON"S FAULT !!!
hahahahahaha.........
duno y he suddenly tell me abt his childhood thingy..
den i came to realise something...
how come i dun rmber anything abt my childhood life arh?
only rmber sad things & the lies that i have told.
omg, i have deprived childhood!! haha
but tik & tik.. there are sweet memories lar
like mummy laughing at me, coz the way i pronounce my name is funny...
&... i have this fake dog, that can walk & bark, den i very scare.. when mummy on it, i will climb onto the table.. at the end, i stuff eraser into its mouth, spoil liao...
and... forget!!!!!
oh no oh no!!
haha.........
i rmber some bits & pieces lar.. but not all...
i tik i am a saddist, i rmber clearly abt sad stuff..
haha


& one more thing. i dun even rmber the days when i was young with aaron...
the days b4 eugene was born.
my memories no diff as old ppl sia.
i even forget my pri skool life le.
& even sec 1.. sec 2.. sec 3.. sec 4.. sec 5 a little..
how i spend my days de arh?
i only rmber a little...
oh well...


today!!!! i wear spec out
oh no!
i cant find my contact lens
& guess wat...
i only rmber where i put when i reach hm...
how smart am i?
lolx
i somehow tik that spec make me look uglier.
haha


opps..
i am sleepy!
haha
& i wana spend time with God liao..
yeah =)
only in Him, there is peace in me!


oh btw, thinking of changing blog add.
but tot of need to imform alot of ppl, den need to change tag...
so ma fan hor?
should i change?????

yeah... finally reach hm le...
very tired...
hai yo, heart pain..
coz i owe aaron $200 ..
den i have to return mah
so all my ang bao money goes into his pocket...
argh! okok, shall not dwell anymore.. haha
only $200 rite?? (comforting myself)
LoLx!
keep eating...
not that i want to.. i am forced!
but a breakthru thou,
i chat to quite a number of relative which i dun reali noe..
thats my respond during altar call last fri..
hmmm good good


am thinking wat can i do for God now??
mayb i guess its to take good care of myself...
and also my cg..
hehe...
to take care of His family....
duno how to, but gonna do it anyway..
hehe


i am nutz.
i wana ignore... but can i?
juz bury everything. thats e best.
but not very wise thou.
haiz, watever....
give me some time to tik... =)

attitude reflects maturity...
its reali true!
and i tik... i am not mature.. =(
God i wana be mature ... reali.


anyway happy new year!
haha...


tot of avoiding..
but thats a coward decision.
& sweeping under e carpet doesnt solve anything.
i shall face it... but..
how to arh?
God, make me disappear now.
haha.

Deleted that post liao..
not very good .. =)
how? if that continue on......
i am not pleasing God.
haiz, sheng yi ge ren de qi hao lei.
suan le, i'll juz ignore....
God, help me =)
please.


btw... i had steam boat again!
omg... so fat fat fat fat !!!!!!!!
i ate 2 reunion dinner.
one with mummy, one with daddy.
with mummy, her bf was there...
with daddy, his gf wasnt there!
eugene so bad....
he was like "yeah !!!!" when he noe that nana wun join us for reunion dinner..
but actually, i am "yeah-ing" in my heart too.. LoLx!
but i also abit not comfy to eat with mummy's bf.. but its ok anyway.
they happy can liao.

oh mann`
praise God !! =)
we had one convert today.
wow...
muz reali follow up on her...
our bao bei !
hehehehe
breakthrough.
cant help it but to thank god =)


had steam boat with mummy...
oh.. its was like so full !!!!
fat le !!
haha..sore throat liao..
if u tik its the steam boat that cause my sore throat, u are wrong mann...
its the 7-11 drink.
i duno y i drink half way. my throat suddenly pain...
i was like...diao...
spend $1.50 to make myself sore throat.
lalalala....


now my cg have 7 ppl le...
but my end jan goal was 10..
sigh...i wana to experience the "wat is missing the goal???" feel.
lolx!
muz strive not to miss goal, if not setting goals so meaningless le.
haha
sometime i feel like bluffing my gals that our goal is 20, den mayb can hit at least 15..
lolx when i tot of this, i will knock my own head.
so low faith & not biblical.
k, yes, muz hit my goal.8 more ppl to my goal,15..
argh... seems alot mann...
ok, God, u gotta be in this.=)

yarwnzzz...
so so so sleepy....
its juz that today not that sleepy compare to ytd lar..
coz only work half day.. hehe
very fun working there... with a bunch of hope ppl..
yeah.
but we came to realise one thing, we are like machine!!!!
haha..... its k. finger cramp only.. bleahz !


anyway, this morning... took train ard 6.40am?
den hor... slp like pig there...
i sleep soundly den suddeny... "BANG!"
Omg! i knock my head so hard onto the glass thingy...
& noe wat? i pretend nth happen... -.-
so paiseh.


i tik & tik & tik.
i tik i got myself into a deep shit.
nvm, dun wana elaborate..
but God, pls save me!!!
i duno wat to do..
its ok, God is all wisdom... amen!


anyway, hai yo
time can fly...
end jan le!
i ask one of my contact if fri free or not...
she replied " i am going to visit my child-care tcher"
omg! so lame!
now sec one or 2 liao, visit child-care tcher??
sobz!
but its k... towards 15 mann`
i wana lead a unit for God.
reali.
God help me !
hehe
thanks in advance =)
lalalaa...

hey
weeee~
this week gonna be a busy week for me...
start work le!
muz wake up so so early =(
ard 5.30am to 6am.
omg. haha
anyway, still thanks God for that.


wow so happy.
mummy bought me heels !
can save money on that le.
was troubled by that coz no $$.


i am so supprise by myself..
i bought 7 tops..
all in jan. oh my.................
haha....
cool ! =)

oh ya btw... the "rough patch" i am talking abt in the post below was talking abt.........
oh well, actually my grp is facing thru some challenges.


anyway, its thru all these times, we grow =)


okie. lidat. bye !

if u were to ask me how i feel now,
my answer would be..........
i duno.
i reali duno.
that feeling is so irritating, its keeps bothering me.
till the extend that, i dun feel like talking, dun feel like doing anything.
feel like tearing all the time, feel like vomiting.
feel like throwing everything aside, actually wanted to say feel like screaming too,
but actually not.
dun even bother to scream, keep sighing & staring at the blank.
thats wat happen to me these days!!
sick & tired of running round & round.
its like a dog running after its tail.
cannot go on lidat. i can die.


wait..... its time for me to get out of everything & seek God.
seek for his directions & most imptly, i need strength & hope.
no point stucking in the picture & gain nth, i am going out of this,
put my magnifying glass on God & its going to be ok.


God spoke to me yesterday.
abt Joy.
joy is not base on circumstances.
i wana take joy in wat i have .
e Joy of salvation, & also thanks giving.
difficult to give thanks, esp during this rough patch.
but God reali deserve all this mann =)


ok, frm this moment, joy muz replace watever that is in my heart.
i muz make a decision mann.
y make life so miserable when i noe the source of joy?
dumb me.


anyway.... ya
.convicted that miracles is coming.
God promiz me de.


i reali wana take this time to thank eelee.
thou she said that she didnt help much... but i reali think she do.
she is someone that i enjoy talking to, & i also enjoy listening to her. haha
thanks mann for being a listener & also encourager..
& mayb messanger to my cg.LoL.


another one will be.... of coz its God himself.
when i come to tik abt it.
actually God reali looks highly on me.
actually i am a lousy person.
& He use me so much.
reali lar, i am the one that ask God to prune me de, & its pruning time !
i should rejoice =)
after all these, i am sure, i am one step closer to be more like Jesus.


Phoebe & da cindy.
ur smses reali touches me.
duno wat to say, but thanks. =)


juz wana end off by saying that its not the end of the world.
even if i lost everything, i still have God.
God!! i will allow u to come into my life & do watever u want!
ya i said it.. so i cannot complain when u reali do so...


JOY !!! =)

i am looking forward to something great that God has for me.
yes, i blive that God has the answer.
i reali dun have...
His is the answer to everything..
seek God.


there is nth much i can do now.
the most impt one, i can pray for them.
thats e only thing i can do now.
& also, thats e most powerful thing.


even i am in the dead end, God will make a way.
or rather, i am actually not in the dead end =)
i juz need to ask or open my big eyes & look ! =p


fighting on....
i have God with me.


its so heavy.
to the extend of ........... cant breath proberly?
haha... really...
duno y i feel that i have difficultly to catch every breath now.
let this heart of mine praise the lord.
=) =)


ii hate this, but i noe its for my own good =)
ok, my life is yours, God.
yeah =)


finally, i bought contact lens le.
hate wearing spec. haha
ohh, i also cut my hair le =)
its a risk k.
bleahz !


i'll wait.
WAIT.
i noe God has stored many good things for me.
yesh !


dun fall into satan's trap k.
stupid u, keep bullying my cg.
u are playing with fire mann.
i will burn u alive!
oh no, i talk to that animal again!
haha. curse him.
i duno y, i enjoy cursing that devil.. dun u?
nvm, i am crazy.


move on.
yeah.
everything is alright, i have Jesus with me.
that more den enough le. =)
kk. move on.

a long long sigh.....
reunion dinner is coming...
& i tell u, i super hate this day....
its time to go back ah gong hse...
oh well, u wouldnt understand wat kind of place is that.
a place where-by everyone hates my mum.
the rest of the story.... shan't continue.
anyway, meaningless lar.
REUNION means... reunion rite? haha...
but that women wasn't my mother, so she wasnt part of my family, & my mummy, which is my family member..but wasnt there.
so in short, the one that should be there is not there, where as, the one that should not be there, is there! yupz.
meaningless.... dun feel like going. total meaningless.
not that i dun wana eat with papa, but... can dun call that a reunion dinner?
mayb i will be more comfortable with that.
anyway, i will still go lar.. dun make daddy sad.. haha
anyway.... the great thing is.... i will have my reunion lunch with my cg members!
yuppeee~


the stone of my heart is gone le.
no longer feeling heavy.
settled !
amen!
i muz thank God for that.
if u dun understand nvm , coz its a cg secret. LoLx !


I shall be strong in God.
life wouldnt be e same without Jesus.
if i were to re-choose.
i will still choose to accept Jesus into my life.
haha
sometime i was wondering....
y muz say " accept Jesus"
y cannot say " jesus accept me"
coz we are the one that need him de mah...
by right we should be the one that beg him to accept us.
haha.... but Jesus too gracious liao lar... =)
thank God, God is gracious !

i had a long post...
but itrs gone.
ALWAYS LIKE THAT.
qi si wo le !


anyway.... things are getting better...
Praise God !
God reali want us to grow....
& we will grow =)
If He dun wana us to grow, he wouldnt allow probz to come..
& HE wun bring us thru de...
therefore.... for sure... GOD is doing something =)


SATAN, U ARE DOMMED.
u get me?
hai ya, feel so dumb to talk to that animal.
worse den an animal.
qi si wo le !


"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
[-JOHN 16 : 33-]


Humans are funny creature.
watever it is ... lazy to explain.
juz wana say.........................
COMMUNICATION is impt.
only dumb ppl tik that they are smart.
wats in ur mind doesnt mean u are rite, wats frm their mouth doesnt mean its rite =)
watever it is... God knows =)
we are unique & different... cannot compare. =)
ppl who gossip, God will zip ur mouth.
haha !!
anyway, i am not perfect lar...
if i were to list my sins, they will be like.............
alot of pages. haha
but pls dun hurt God .. yuppz.

my decision : i will let God handle it.


God u shall be in this =)

There's gonna be a revial in our land....


There's gonna be a revial in our heart...


There's gonna be a revial in our walk with u..


REVIAL.


God... u understand wat i mean rite?
yes, only u do.


things not going smooth.
satan's hindering us.
u wana stop us frm growing rite?
are u afraid to see us working so hard?


NO WAY.
smart ppl dun give in to satan.
pls dun =(


when we first start the war......
everyone was so bold, so excited.
ii hope that this excitment will be with us through out.


God, u muz do something. u muz...


Miracles always started with a bold request to extend God's kingdom.


ii blive in miracle..
bcoz i blive in God.

R A I N~


muz bring umbralla.


yeah =)


SIGHs...
noe wat happen?
there is this job...
was intro to me...
den it sound so attractive...
5bucks per hr.
only need to work 4 hrs per day.
7bucks weekend.
damn excited.


BUT...


CHEATED =(
CRY CRY CRY...
ya i agrree that the pay is so attractive.
i can even earn more den 5bucls per hour.
but but but....
training on sat.
den hor.......
tough job.
fine.
i shall be faithful with delifrance =)


the worse thing is.............
me & jency attended the talk.
2.5 hours.
Sobz.
learn e history abt the company.
& many more!
den at e end, i nv work there.
haha
"CUTE" =)


i want to thank God something.....
1. my feet!
yeah i removed the sitches today le !
1st time falling asleep at clinic.
haha
2. thou its a rainy season...
i wasnt wet =)
Jency : " i tik God put a cloud abv us"
haha...
coz its such a heavy downpour...
we had no umbralla.
but we are juz a little wet.
amazing...


lalalala...


gonna pray hard.
God ! pray that delifrance wun be pissed off by me of not picking up their call...
i muz call them back tml. =)

by right........
should look forward to spend time with HIM...
spending time with be ish......
EXCITING !
something that should look forward to =)
not dragging our feet to do so...
HE will be sad if we reali did that.


muz rely on HIM at all seasons of life.
not only tough time.
there is nth i can do without him.
all i can do is mearly juz wat human...a sinner can do.
i wana do something supernatural.
beyond myself.
even if its smooth times..
i muz make a point to thank HIM =)


juz took up the challenge...
challenge frm God that to be mature...
to be mature means....
training ! =)
initially, was reluctant to respond.
coz very scare of 'training'
but on the other hand,i wana be mature & do more for him...
so.... yeah. i responded!
nv regret my decision.
'training' reali come liao...
wow God cant wait to mature & mold me mann..
haha... ok God.
i am ready =)
u will see a mature tingting soon !
i mean.... more mature.
hahahahaha!!!!
or can also say more christ like =)
amen.

'arrrrr chooooo!'
e weather so cold mann....
sneeze sneeze...~
hehe....
craving for a sleep!
wahaha!


anyway, read "the prayer for Jabez for teens"
read for abt 3 chapters le...
nice to read...
at least the words not very small... haha


i learn alot....
i share with u all kk.. hehe


This is wat actually Jabez prayed...
1. "Please bless me indeed!"
2. "please enlarge my territory!"
3. "please put Your hand on me!"
4. "please keep me from evil!"


wow.... ain't the prayer powerful???
i duno y...
i am pretty amazed.. wahaha


Proverbs 10:22, TLB)
"The Lord's blessing is our greatest wealth.All our work adds nothing to it!"


basically, my understanding of 'blessings' has changed. =)


GOD ALWAYS BLESSES FOR A PURPOSE
truly blessed ppl go around blessing others.
"praying for God's blessing doesn't mean asking for more stuff juz so we can spend it on ourselves. it means asking for God's favor so we can serve Him better and be a blessing to others.


YOU HAVE TO ASK!
God longs to bless u... He juz requires u to ask HIM in faith....


aiya actually there are more...
hehe
share more next time round.
arghh!!
now, i am looking forward to read more books =)
wahaha...
not very me, but anyway, lurve it.
lol

wat a weather....
i wana sleep!!!!
haha.....
slept very long le... but it seemz not enough...
the weather.... ohhhh... so comfy !
haha... thank God ...=)


didnt slept last nitez...
not e 1st time, but its very rare that i didnt slept during overnite outing! wahaha
went gwen's hse to stay over..
hehe..
slack here & there..
play cards...
den very soon... ard 2am le...
den watch 'gaysha' (duno wats e spelling)
opps anyway...
nice show...
e fact that i dun reali understand wat they are talking abt,
& i didnt fall asleep at such a wee hours.
hehe!
but e story is interesting.


decided to go home early in e morning..
me, joyce, jency & dewen... yupz.
we except dewen wanted to board e 1st train home...
but guess wat.
if u have watch the news, there are duno wat emergency training
den no train back to boon lay....
oh well....


went home & slept thru.
wahahaha


learn alot yesterday...
eelee was telling me abt peter walking on the water...
den after that peter coz of no faith den began to sink...
guess this story is familar ya?
to alot of ppl out there tot that peter was the most so called no faith...
but tik....
wat abt the rest of the disciple that was on e boat with peter?
they didnt even step out of their comfort zone...


yeah, the thing that reali impacted me was...
peter, he step out of his comfort zone.
den he experience storms.
but he was also e one that Jesus pull Him up with His very own hand.
means, he experienced God's helping hand.
but all these experience, he would not have gone thru if he did not step out initially.


if i step out of moi comfort zone.
challenges will definelty come.
but if i dun give up & scream for help (haha) ...
God will be there...
juz like how Jesus is there to pull peter up.
& i will experience God personally...
& of coz, will not forget my lesson =)
juz like peter do !


another new perspective of this 'story' =)

every cg is a refreshing one for me.
leading cg is fun =)
i truly understand wat is it by serving God is not a chore but joy =)
my ppl have been a supportive bunch of ppl...
they are fun & excited as well...
thank God for them, they have been a joy to me & not a burden =)


the highlight on the 1st week of 2006.
i speng 4 hours walking non-stop with de hui!
tiring ; fun ; scary ; adventure ; unforgettable ; crazy?
wahaha !!!
ok, secret.... shall say no more =)


wait....... its reali a HIGHTLIGHT of moii week =)
yeah !


eh...OUTREACH..
Shooo.... Go Go Go !



BEING, NOT THE DOING =)
Take care of ur being 1st b4 u do the 'doings'

wow...
sch re-open le..
haha...
i tik alot of ppl very 'xian4 mu4' me lor..
dun need to go skool..
haha....
the day of getting back my results is nearer le...
scary !!
i reali cant imagine wat that day will be like..
argh..



so cute to see 2 of my sheep wearing uniform.
haha....
kinda miss uniform le
no chance to wear it le..coz i wun want to go JC!
haha...
if i were to wear uniform again, i will make sure mine will look cool.. haha..



yeah...
its time to outreach !
so fun =)
when i reach lot 1..
i see many y-hopes!
i see the west guys... david's guys..
& my gals of coz!
haha.... joyce's gals as well...
hannah frm central & also jerel.
haha
hopes are everywhere !
so exciting !!!
so tell me.... how can serving God be boring?
life w/o God, thats call boring ok! haha



ten, here we come =)

past experience told me that its so difficult for my grp to grow...
but u noe wat?
i am not gonna truts in past experiences but in God.
God says can means can.
past experiences is something that ppl tend to rely on..
like for example, u tried hard for something..& u didnt success...
for e next time round, e faith level drop or even gave up hope...
i guess this shouldn't be e way mann =)


for west A 4 to double within 4 weeks, its a challenge mann
but nth is impossible!
10 by end jan...
God, u heard that??
yeah, lets do it !
double....... !


heart is beating fast...
i duno how to start...
gonna bang hard for God...
there is alot alot that i dun even noe how, but i attempted anyway...
true enough, God always guide me along..
God, guide me... guide my cg.
we want to see 10 =)
really....


fear is not gonna stop me frm doing great thing for Him.
many times, i feel like i am a clown...
coz some contacts always so-called scold me...
sometimes, i reali feel like scolding them back mann...
haha....
but no way.
got one... she didnt scold me... but she say things like...
"see when i free den i go out with u lor"
hai yo....
i can identify with alot of ppl that face rejections...
my point here is not complaining...
but its that, all these are worth it.
doing for God mah...
is there anything we did that is more den His work on the cross?
be willing to be mad for God.
who cares if i am a clown in other's eyes.
amen .
haha

Shopping !!!!
thats wat i have doing for the past 2 days....
so shuang...
haben been buying since long time ago =)
yeah !!!!!!

i hate medicine !
seriously hating it.
in the past, i dun reali mind..... coz its juz abt swolling them down..
no big deal...
but now i am hating it!!!!!!
to the core !
u noe y?
duno y recently, i eat medicine, den difficult to swollow de...
swollow half way, den e medicine slide back to my mouth, wow damn bitter!
haha...
den my urine, got the medicine smell...
its so strong den Eugene can smell it when he went into e toilet next after me.
den when i burp, e medicine smell is so strong !
its so strong den i feel bitter, den i cant help but to drink lotsa water, one bottle!
trust me, its terrible.. haha
den duno y.... out of all sudden, i will vomit water, very small amount only... & that water that i puke out, its so bitter & its medicine de smell !
argh !!!!!!!!!!
God i wana be healthy !!!!!!!

2006- a year of healing.
amen !!! haha